Monday, July 29, 2013

The Thirst (2006)



5 minutes in and I'm already regretting my choice of adding a recent movie to balance out my 70s proclivities but I'll see it through to the end for posterity's sake. Then again, the film's absurdity, low-browed humor and ultra-gore are slightly amusing in a semi-primordial way. For a few minutes anyway.

The story centers on Maxx and Lisa, two recovering addicts, who become reluctant vampires and part of a ruthless clan who not only enjoy the bloodlust but revel in the brutal taking of it. With the brood of neo-vamps marauding and murdering like the Manson family the plot turns emo faster than an online chatroom meetup when the conscientious Nosferatiis decide that the licentious Lugosi lineage must die. A battle ensues and everybody loses. Including us.

So the flick was shit but at least there were hot Asian vampiresses included on the celluloid cylinder to temper the disappointment. At least I think they were Asian. They looked Asian to me. Isn't that good enough?

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Velvet Vampire (1971)



A hippy-dippy slogfest through telekinetic passion, ditzy blonde moments and a barrel full of bad acting. This desert centered flick has enough artsy nature photography in it but not enough to absorb the thousand tons of trite plot lines and a weakly delivered script.

If you must know, a newly enjoined couple accepts a vampiress's invitation to her desert fortress where they are seduced into a web of sex, mystified insouciance, more sex, a killing off of the small population of locals, even more sex and then perhaps the worst ending to a vampire movie in the history of cinematography. 

Not a bad movie in total but certainly not a great one either.

The Village Voice, November 4, 1971

Youngstown Vindicator, October 14, 1971

The Tuscaloosa News, July 7, 1985