Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Apocrypha (2011)



I haven't watched a vampire movie in some time but it's mainly due to a lack of time rather than want. When I do have the time I have more pressing concerns. Etc., etc. So last night while recovering from the plague and after exhausting myself of David Icke flat earth visuals I forked through the YouTube listings and found this dregs-lifter.

The plot-line itself isn't totally void of value but the acting is God-awful and the camera work and scenery are not far behind. However, we can write that off as a budgetary concern for the project managers. Whoever they are.

Half gray comedy and three quarters C-grade horror this film's main appeal is its shoddiness. I did enjoy the harshness of the therapist, the acting of the heroine's gay handler, the Asian dude and the drug dealer's girlfriend's breasteses are a bonus surprise for those who stick the movie out and were expecting a nudie scene from the main character.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

L'amante Del Vampiro (1960)



To call this the "Vampire and the Ballerina" is tantamount to proclaiming that a porn star is a serious actress. While technically the truth it's a long stretch as far as minutaie goes. The so-called ballerina is more a jazz dancer if even that. As to which girl in the troupe is the ballerina is as much a guessing game as the translation itself. I mean, at times the goddamn subtitles simply say "?" for entire segments of dialogue so even the title might not be literally accurate. Hey, I never claimed that I was a film historian or a linguist!

This was probably a very sexy movie for 1960 and in my opinion still is. Sure, there's no nudity but the several segments showing exposed thigh or neck and dry humping of the sheets and writhing in bed are highly sensual though not overtly ribald. Yeah, you don't have to have a gaping crotch or exploding tits on the screen to showcase the erotic side of femininity. Though I will say that the gratuitous ass in panties/tights shots were rather forced and unnecessary for an intelligent audience. So sayeth the troglodyte.

The plot is fairly standard though this vampire isn't particularly fond of harnessing a harem of faithful bints or trying to secure true love for that matter. In fact, he's sort of a hit-and-run lover and sucker of thy blood that isn't afraid to brutalize his victims to ensure his own lasting survival.

Blood-fetching in this one is quite discreet and the actual appaearance of the crimson fluid is non-existent if I remember correctly.

All of the aforementioned flaws are fine by me and don't particularly spoil the enjoyability of the movie. Nor do its qualities push it into the upper strata for the genre. A solid, better-than-average flick from the Italianos.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Scars of Dracula (1970)



Any time that a bowl-haired, dopey-looking bloke beds multiple women in a matter of minutes (and the wife of his brother says that she is attracted to him but only cares about the guy for her beloved's sake) in a film and it's not pornography you know that it's going to be a far-fetched tale. But that's vampire lore in a nutshell. I mean, I have mind control powers over women and could inflict evil on them, too, if I so chose but lacking the fangs and immortality I'd probably just end up with Hepatitus C.

Anyway, Christopher Lee is not a kindly Dracula in any sense of the word and flogs his servant, murders his cheating mistress and sends his bats hither and yon to savage the souls of both the chaste and wontonly inclined. Having been ravaged by the villagers in the past, hence his scars, he gives no quarter and takes his pounds in flesh and blood. The rest of the movie is typical vampire hijinx with a slightly surprising end.